Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Super Stealth Ninjas Die Young

Seriously, I am getting too old for this. I need my sleep. ALL of it!!!! See, after the Memorial Day Concert I randomly decided to stop off at the ol' Cat Shed of Loose-Moraled Felines and see how the young mothers were growing. My current evil plot is to kidnap mothers when they are just about to pop, force them to live in well-fed safety while raising tame babies that can be given away to loving homes of luxury. Did I mention the forced sterilization before the victims are allowed to go free? How low can I go? So I've been keeping tabs on some of the local watermelon-shaped ladies.

But when I walked in, I beheld a box full of beautiful, approx. 3-week old kittens. Their mother  (a kitty I had never met up to that point) had fled at my approach and I was left with a quick decision of leaving them and possibly having her move them, or taking them right then. I chose to kidnap them, but with the hope of capturing their mom and reuniting them at a later date.

Thus I descended a twilight haze of frenzied, futile activity for a day and a half. That crafty mother refused to cooperate with every single trap I set. Like a gambler caught in uncontrollable fever, I crept about town with my traps and bait, sure that I'd get her if I tried only one more time. I really did want to catch her because her babies missed her very much and I don't have the time to take on the feeding of a batch of kittens right at the moment. The clock was ticking, as her milk supply would run dry if she was away from her babies for too long.

At last I had to concede defeat.  

Right after I tried one last time.

I assembled a team of crack special ops (Motto: We Put the "Special" in Ops) consisting of Damon, Caleb, Tiggy, myself, and my mom. The idea was to creep up to the shed in the twilight and simultaneously cover all exits. Then I would GO INSIDE.

It worked great...except one of the exits didn't quite get covered and a torrent of skittish cats poured out of the shed. So much for that. There was no way she'd come back after now! I had to give up.

After I tried just once more.

 In an hour and a half.

At midnight.

The alley we spent a great deal of
time skulking around in last night.
Hungry kittens were locked in a kitty carrier and put in the shed, like a goat staked out in the jungle as a tiger trap. The special forces then played a few bleary-eyed games of rack rummy before we headed out again. I had plugged the hole in the floor before we left, so now all we had to do was cover the two windows and hold the door shut. Silently we parked the van and prepared to disembark. Quietly we started the van back up again and returned to mom's house for the flashlight an anonymous member of the team (let's call her "Wiggy") had thoughtlessly carried inside after the last attempt. Silently we parked down the street again, and walked up the hill in the dark. Using hand signals, we flawlessly executed our agreed-upon plan. I crept in next to the shed, being careful not to snap any twigs in the process---might as well have saved myself the effort because my knees popped loudly and unceasingly as I moved forward in a crouch.

A white, cat-shaped blur whizzed past me in the dark.

Oh, phooey.

"Tiggy, hold the door quickly!" I already had the window covered so I lowered the board a crack to check with my flashlight, sure we'd lost her again. Amazing miracle--there she was inside, right next to the "goat".

"Damon, move up quickly and cover your window." Poor Damon--all he had brought to use was a pillow. Somewhat of a tactical error, as events would prove. The cats shifted about nervously inside. I handed over holding the window to Mom and Caleb and prepared to GO INSIDE. I had on a poofy jacket and thick gloves as armor. My support gear was the flashlight. My weapon of choice was a towel. .


What happened next has been mercifully blurred in memory. Or maybe it was just blurred as it happened. Time after time I tossed the towel, several times grabbing a bit of her, but having to release her when her business end got pointed in the direction of parts I had every intention of keeping. She made several fierce assaults on the windows, hitting plywood on one side and a soft, yielding pillow on the other.

The shredded window where
Damon fought his noble battle.
Hmm, which window would she choose? Well, I already told you Mama Cat is smart, so it should be no surprise that she went with "soft" and "yielding"...and nearly made it out, too, but Damon bravely held the line and I was able to grab her by the hind legs and pull her back in. I used the hind legs, because that's all that was left inside as Damon faced down one biting mouth and two slashing paws with nothing but his bare hands and determination. Damon put the "Ops" in Special!

I finally got the towel solidly around her, Tiggy put the kitty carrier up to the door and I popped her inside. Then the babies, one terrified mother, and I hightailed it back to my house, while the special ops team was abandoned by the roadside and left to hoof it back to base camp. The poor mother was understandably traumatized by her ordeal and spent the night and part of the next morning crouched in the bathtub with her head shoved up inside a tupperware. (Motto: If I Can't See You, You Can't See Me) But at last she calmed down enough to get in the box with her babies, and mother and children are at this very moment purring away together.

Noni told us later that she'd had a special prayer that, if it was God's will, we'd be able to catch her that night and, since we'd failed at every attempt before, that it would be obvious that God was the one who gave us our success. I have to say, God certainly answered that prayer. We were more Keystone cops than warriors, but in spite of all that we were still able to succeed. I'm so grateful for His help and for the good-spirited cooperation of all those that I kept dragging out in my quest to capture the mama cat.

And if anyone saw a brown van, full of suspicious characters and creeping up dark alleys, at say, 11:00 last night, it was probably your imagination.

I have more cuteness than you!


  1. Nice work! I have to hand it to you for persistence and ingenuity!♡