Sunday, September 16, 2012

The More, the Hairier

You'd think that I'd learn eventually. What's that about once burned, twice shy? But no, I was still taking my sister's calls even after the work-at-home fiasco. This time she had another can't-miss opportunity. A neighbor of hers had to make an unexpected trip and needed certain, ahem, "valuables" safeguarded for two weeks. Noni would be happy to do it, really she would, but just didn't have the right facilities. Surely I would love to have the chance to take two not-yet-housebroken puppies out to my house! For two weeks! At my house!

Of course I said yes. I'm a soft touch when it comes to animals (really?), and besides, this would give me a chance to test drive some border collie mixes to see if I wanted one for the all-important position of Vice-dog. Finley is aging gracefully, but still aging, so it is important to have a dog ready to fill his paw prints as Dog-in-Chief.

My mom headed into to get them while I spent a pleasant, though busy, hour puttering around the house puppy-proofing it. Little did I know, there is no such thing as "puppy-proofing". "Puppy-proofing" is a polite fiction used to placate your alarm systems long enough to let juvenile canines into your house.

First, I took one look at my new carpet, installed with so much blood, sweat, and tears, and like the Allies at Verdun said, "They shall not pass." A dresser in the doorway took care of that nicely. The bedrooms were off-limits, too, and I ripped up all the carpet in the hallway so they would have no carpeted area available to them. I fixed the doors upstairs so they would stay closed, and moved the cat litter boxes into my room. I laid down a nice, cushy blanket and awaited the arrival of my two little angels.

The puppies arrived in a whirlwind of wiggles, tongues and tails. They hadn't had much chance to run around in the country before, and quickly realized that country living is their true destiny in life. Apparently, so are cats. And every single dog toy that we own. And everything left lying around. And of course, those things not left lying around, but still not quite out of reach.

Chunky meets Boopsie
I spent my first afternoon putting up all the things they found to chew on and cleaning up all their frequent "oopsies" around the house. The puppies obviously had some sort of basic skeletal structure because they could move around, but other than that, they were simply bags of pee and poop. Before long, my side yard was littered with a broken armada of throw rugs, blankets, and other items, all waiting to be hosed off after their liberal dowsing with poop.

In spite of their obvious lack of couth, the puppies still wondered why they weren't allowed in all of the inner sanctums. I'm trying to convince them that carpet is hot lava, but so far they aren't buying it and sit longingly at the magic portals begging for entrance.

Don't you.....LOVE me anymore?

Finley mostly stands around looking at me like, "What were you thinking?" The puppies love him, but I don't think Finley is warming to the idea of being a mother-figure. He is compromising by not eating them.

I suppose the puppies do have some good attributes. They are good at sleeping through the night and don't fuss about being in a crate. Even though I'm temporarily abandoning crate training since they got poop everywhere the first 2 nights. They may still poop if I leave them out, but they at least don't lie down in it when they're done! They're very affectionate and, well, they're very affectionate. They're getting better about jumping up on you, and aren't going in the house quite as much as before.

All in all, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We might just survive this, but if I were you, I'd buy stock in paper towels and cleaning spray. You'll make a fortune!

What a sweet, innocent little angel boy!

1 comment:

  1. Some people are so paranoid! BTW, what's your new phone number? You forgot to give it to me......